by Buki Elegbede
No one ever truly prepares you for life’s disappointments.
We heard it from our parents when we were growing up, our teachers in almost every grade, and every “inspirational” quote we have ever read, “Disappointments are a part of life.” According to Google, the definition of disappointment is, “The feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one's hopes or expectations.” However, for Millennials just starting out, trying to make it in this tumultuous world we call Television and Entertainment, they define disappointment as, “A kick in the nuts!”
Many of us Millennials grew up in households where we were told, ad nauseam, that we can do and be anything. Not to put our parents and/or teachers down, but they forgot, “after trying and facing several setbacks,” at the end of that statement. Which, in essence, is a set up for disappointment.
I’ve been disappointed, like most people, several times in my life. From not receiving a Hot Wheels track set for Christmas, to not getting into my first choice for college. But disappointment took on this new meaning just this past month when I submitted into the LIVE with Kelly and You competition; vying for a spot to co-host an episode of LIVE with Kelly, with Kelly Ripa herself. I heard about the competition from a friend and I said, “What the heck. Let’s go for it and see what comes. It can only hurt if you don’t try, right?” I submitted my video and made it all the way to the top 20.
Sadly, I didn’t make it to the top 10. As much as I wanted to hold my head high, I found myself buried at the bottom of a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream container. My parents actually did not tell me I could be anything so I knew this road was going to be a tough one. It took a while to shake this one off because as a part of the competition to get to top the 10, you had to reach out to everyone you know on social media to vote for your video. So, this time, my disappointment was broadcast to everyone I know. Maybe it was because I came so close?
Disappointment is a tough nut to crack because it is intertwined with failure. You get disappointed after you fail at something. But disappointment can also take on a life of its own; separate from failure. Instead of going through a failure, you can go through a disappointment. The big difference, I’ve found, being in the recovery process. Most athletes will be injured at least once during their professional careers. But the difference between a potential setback/disappointment and utter failure is in recovering and getting back in the game.
To put it in a career perspective, a very dear friend of mine started her career in fashion, another notoriously tough industry. Like most upstarts, she thought with a few internships and assistant jobs under her belt, she would be ready to take Anna Wintour’s place at Vogue – not quite. After several internships and a slew of low paying jobs, my friend’s disappointment caused her to leave the fashion industry completely, and take on a new career. Another friend of mine, also in the fashion industry, faced the same obstacles but stuck it out, and she is now an editor at a very popular magazine. One friend recovered, while the other did not. One friend faced disappointment, while the other faced failure.
Now, for everyone who has changed careers, I in no way want to make you feel awful for not sticking it out. The fact of the matter is, if you left your career because it was not feeding your passion; it became stale and monotonous, then you were absolutely right to leave. Life is too short to beat the proverbial “dead horse.” However, I think the one thing we all can agree on is disappointments, just like failure, cannot be predicted. Hence this is why no one can truly prepare us.
So how do all of us Millennials, Gen X and Baby Boomers alike deal with disappointment? To take a key phrase from Sheryl Sandberg, CFO of Facebook, we must “lean in” to them. In my series, “What Am I Doing with My Life,” I interviewed Wade Eyerly, former CEO of Beacon Air. I asked him if failure was important when trying to achieve anything and he said, “You learn different lessons in different ways when you ‘fail’ at something.” When we succeed, we learn what to do more of…simple enough. However, when we face disappointments, we learn the things not to do or the areas that need to be strengthened.
Top researchers, early education specialists, and CEOs across the country agree there is a power in disappointment and struggle. It’s impressive to win, but it’s even more remarkable to overcome a disappointment. “It’s the commitment to getting it right and doing one's best that makes someone a master. The only way to do that is to face your disappointments head on. No one is ever a winner right out of the gate,” said one manager at CBS.
So, for me, to climb out of my LIVE stupor, I flipped the immense feeling of failure and decided to turn it into a disappointment I could overcome. I embraced the fact that out of thousands of entries, I made it all the way to the top the 20 spot; which re-ignited my passion for what I do as a host/journalist. It also challenged me to work on my social media and branding; two elements paramount in today’s media landscape. If we can learn one thing from the Kardashians (love them or hate them), it’s the power of branding.
This leads to the impending Emmy® nominations announcement we are waiting with bated breath to hear. No doubt we have put everything we had into producing the best programming we could this year. As we all brace ourselves, I want to challenge everyone who may not receive a nomination, or whom may not win (myself included) to see the disappointment in a new light.
The local and national Emmy® Awards are not going anywhere. Since the New York Chapter’s inception in 1955, the Emmy’s® have had a long-standing tradition of awarding the best in TV programming. The fact that we all had the drive and determination to create content eligible to be submitted is already a massive achievement. We are already in the winner’s circle because we all can agree on one thing…producing TV is no easy task.
We should all look to superstar actor Leonardo DiCaprio during this time. He consistently delivers solid performances and has been praised as one of our generation’s best actors. He too has had his fair share of setbacks and disappointments not being nominated or winning for critically praised performances. But Leo never threw in the towel. In fact, he dug his heels in and took each disappointment as a sign to do and be even better than his prior roles. It took him (spoiler alert) being attacked by a bear and hiding out in the cavity of a dead horse to finally receive the Best Actor Oscar. He took a risk with his role in The Revanent as a response to the disappointment of prior year’s losses.
Maybe it’s the signal you need to take that creative risk you’ve been wanting to take, the push you need to break out in a new role. Or, not being nominated or winning is another way of telling you to pump up the volume on what you are already doing. It’s not a failure but a reflection of your passion at work, an opportunity to get it right for next year. Or simply, one more chapter for your “tell-all” memoir.
I believe Angela Duckworth, author of Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance summed it up best: “To be gritty is to keep putting one foot in front of the other. To be gritty is to hold fast to an interesting and purposeful goal. To be gritty is to invest, day after week after year, in challenging practice. To be gritty is to fall down seven times, and rise eight.”
Good luck to all the potential nominees.
- Buki Elegbede is a Production Manager for the Marketing Department at CBS and Journalist/Executive Producer for Once Upon A Dream Production